I feel very strange at this point in my month, year, life. I don't really know how to take everything in. I'm scared shitless but I'm also completely and utterly stoked. The two feelings seem to negate each other often and without warning.

Today, I was sitting in my high school's library studying for a Physics test. Then it hit me: I doubt I will ever sit here and do this again. This ritual that I've had since sophomore year - when the table's company proves less than desirable or I really am waiting until the last minute to give a shit about my grade - is suddenly being taken away from me. That's a strange way to put it, sure, but it's kind of how I feel about things at this point. Used to, I couldn't wait to turn in my textbooks, clean out my locker and so on. But now, on the eve of my big ol' high school farewell, these things are being pushed on me, like all of Jonesboro is doing everything in its power to make me grow up in a week's time.

Okay. Maybe these big, huge, wistful statements aren't really fitting for the simple realization that I have to turn in my textbooks to all of my teachers. But still! Isn't this big? Doesn't anyone see what's happening? Doesn't anyone realize what we're about to do? Move away, leave the comfort of our school, be around all new, strange faces, living on our own, no parents, no idea what the hell we want to be or do in life.

To me, it seems like a pretty damn big deal. I'm so overwhelmed with this fear that I almost don't want to graduate, leave or even turn in these books that have been riding around in my trunk for most of my senior year. A part of me wants to take everything that I have now and freeze it here, until I'm ready.

Then again, another part of me cannot wait to get the hell out of here and figure out just who I am. That's what college is good for right? That and booze, right? RIGHT?!

I wish someone could answer me. I feel like no one feels the way I feel and then I feel like everyone that has ever moved on and done anything for themselves, by themselves is scoffing at my insinuating that, of course, I'm the only one that is feeling this.

I feel funky and all I want is a kiss.

Is that weird?