Just now

I read this quote in this book, SoulPancake, and it made me want to cry. Or at least made me feel very uneasy and almost mad. It says this "You can't interfere with destiny, that's why it's destiny. If you try to interfere, the same thing is going to happen anyway and you'll just suffer." It's a quote from the movie Election, I think.

So, it's not some profound statement by some profound author or philosopher, but it's enough of a statement to call for some sort of reaction right?

So, we're all just here, already have our "destinies" set, and are just kind of pretending to do what we want when really, our overall living experience is this laundry list of events, people and place that you will attend, meet and see and it is all inevitable and already played out before it plays out? That's baloney. I can't say I haven't felt like that before, but the thought of it is such a weight on me right now.

I don't believe this really has anything to do with the idea of God either. I know God has a plan for us, and we will come to see and know things that he specifically wanted us to see and know but to say that our whole human life is planned to the tee as far as the things we encounter is almost unforgivable in my eyes. Not it is unforgivable of God but that it is just unimaginable that that's the truth of the human experience. Why would God want that? A bunch of little game pieces that all have a set pattern in everything they do. Like, I'm picturing God, lounging around on a couch one day, dreaming up all these crazy plot lines for human lives only to create these pre-planned humans, so he can sit back and watch our lives that he's planned to every minute detail like a rerun of some old TV show. One that you've seen thousands of times.

Not to say I don't think God knows all. But to say that we're not here to make a difference, make changes, make mistakes to learn from and thereby become closer to God? That's unthinkable.

Looking at it from the standpoint of nature in general, yes, in a sense, my fate is determined simply by the temporary nature of my body and existence. I will die someday. So will every other living thing on this Earth. But I like to humor myself with the idea that I am making my own effort to be who I am, have feelings unique to me and my circumstances and my thoughts, while God is smiling in the background whispering me words of encouragement, wisdom and maybe even giving me a few pointers.

Does that idea completely negate what I said about thinking the idea of unmovable destiny is bullshit?

Though I speak (or in this case type) in a jumbled, usually nonsensical manner, I feel like I've figured out something here. Just typing this has made me feel better. Like I've found at least something of value just now, sitting in the front office of Arkansas Air Center, alone, reading SoulPancake.

It's something.